Aidin bypasses lines at clubs, orders bottle service, has an unlimited supply of money and drugs, and beds any and all women at his disposal. He doesn’t go to work, he doesn’t waste his time with school. He parties professionally, getting paid in flesh and a chemically altered sense of reality. All of this is fine with Aidin. What guy, on the surface of things, wouldn’t want to step into his shoes for a week or two? But this is all in the first few chapters of the book, so you know things are about to go awry for Aidin and his nightlife, because one Rules of Attraction is enough.
Aidin then engages in a drug-feuled orgy. Don’t be shocked, Aidin wouldn’t. It was just another late night/early morning for him, but this particular orgy is important, because after he recovers, he finds out that he’s lost the ability to feel. This isn’t a final season of Oprah episode, where he just wants to find the right cocaine laced woman and then everyone gets a free Kia. Punch him in the face, he won’t flinch. Stab him and he’ll bleed, but it won’t hurt. Tickle him and the only laughter you’d hear would be caused by the futility of the exercise.
That’s when we meet Dr. Paradies and her therapeutic to-do list of 366 missions, ranging from constructing a jigsaw puzzle, to buying things for complete strangers without accepting thanks. Aidin becomes obsessed with the list, completing all of the tasks, no matter how mundane, with the precision of a finely tuned metaphor. Finishing the itemized quests actually fills the void left by sobriety and monogamy until the list becomes mysterious and dangerous, forcing Aidin to make a life changing choice.
The life that Aidin leads, from start to finish, is prodigious, even while he sits on the floor of his parent’s house constructing a cabin out of Lincoln Logs, because it all leads to a conclusion that no one would ever believe. Tietz plays the written word the way his main character handles his women. As the story progresses, no matter the content, you believe it as if your best friend was telling you a drinking story you must have missed. When the mountains of excess are rivaling horse-murdering quantities, you accept it as the truth without a second thought. That’s the power of Brandon Tietz, a power Greyskull wishes it could master. Out of Touch is his He-Man. Buy yourself a copy of He-Man.