Gold Cobra – Limp Bizkit

It has been six years since The Unquestionable Truth (Part 1) was released. What’s that? You don’t know what The Unquestionable Truth (Part 1) is? Are you serious? It was only the hottest album to have been released in 2006 that was listened to by about ten people. And I was one of the lucky ones to have listened to it and survived. It was an album released by Limp Bizkit with Wes Borland’s grand return. It was heavily influenced by Borland’s style of odd musical sensibilities that can only really be described as, well, Wes Borland’s musical sensibilities. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out Big Dumb Face’s Duke Lion Fights the Terror!! (Yes, with two exclamation points.). Every song title started with “The” and ended in a dismal display. There wasn’t a single song that broke onto the radio, except to be fodder for morning radio show talk-time. Wes Borland promptly left the band again, only to return in 2009, with Fred Durst promising a “dope” album in early-2010. Here we are. A year and a half after the promised dopeness, and it looks like we’re about to be shown what music is all about. Fo’ realz y’all. And I figure, the only way to really cover this album, is to give a track by track analysis, so that you know what you’re missing without having to listen to it yourself. Here goes…

01: Introbra (01:22) – Its a dramatic bassline lifted almost entirely from the score of Inception with screaming and talking in the background. And then you have Fred Durst on a faded megaphone imploring with his fans that, “no matter how hard [he] tries,” he can’t make it stop. It won’t stop. That pretty much tells you everything you need to know about the rest of the album. It is a beast that won’t be messed with, so save yourself the trouble, and don’t. It is your basic introductory track, a throwaway minute and twenty-two seconds that is supposed to get you hyped up. I said, it is supposed to.

02: Bring It Back (02:18) – This is the lead song from the album. So you hear all of the same nonsense you’ve heard from their last few albums. The Bizkit is back with a whole new slew of songs that sound like the previous album. Wes Borland borrows heavily from the guitar sounds of Slipknot and the like. A bouncing drum track comes in from the eponymous DJ Lethal. How is he eponymous? Listen to this album four times in a row like I have, you’ll wish for a lethal outcome too. Oh, and there’s a line in this beautiful song that says that, “Wikipedia will probably fuck it up.” Does someone want to clue Fred in on the fact that Wikipedia is a communal encyclopedia based on factual sources? No? Okay, I just thought I’d ask.

03: Gold Cobra (03:54) – The lead single, and probably the third or fourth leaked track from the album. “It’s so gold, it’s so gold, it’s so golden, y’all.” What is? I don’t know. Other than “Golden cobra,” but outside of that, it’s suggested that you check your overpriced materialistic items, and live the life. I remember liking this band, and then I started reading books and having my mind blown with the use of words in ways I’d never seen before, but you know, they still made sense.

04: Shark Attack (03:27) – SHARK ATTACK! Right?! A sped up version of the Jaws theme is looped before the fourth track quickly deconstructs into what is essentially “Break Stuff Revisited.” There isn’t a whole lot else to cover here. Attack is rhymed with at, maniac, and scratch. The golden moment here is a breakdown at the two minute and twelve second mark (However, in THIS it starts at 02:11 before it fades out.), that sounds remarkably like the “Don’t push me, cause I’m close to the edge,” bit from the old rap song, “The Message.” And isn’t the album art terrible, too?

05: Get A Life (04:55) – If you’re going to check this out on iTunes, get this song. I promise. It isn’t because it’s a good song, not by a long shot. This song encapsulates everything you need to know, with the worst lyrics I’ve ever heard in my life. Fred’s “rhymes are cold like the weather in Siberia.” Breaking new ground as always, Limp Bizkit revisits everything you’ve ever heard ten times over. And in case you did forget, they’re from North Carolina. Jacksonville to be exact. Be sure to direct your hate mail there.

06: Shotgun (04:33) – The song ends with a looped sound effect of a shotgun blast. Outside of that, the guitar riff is catchy.

07: Douchebag (03:42) – Again, “The Bizkit back.” Yup. Fred promises to harm someone that apparently has wronged him in some way. Profanity is abound in this delightful romp of promised aggravated assault. The other person is slandered and his own personal problems fall victim to demeaning verbiage. The first person that I hear using this song as a ringtone will probably be President one day.

08: Walking Away (04:46) – As with most Limp Bizkit songs, Fred Durst is angry about something, but we’re left with very little knowledge of what it is that has him so incredibly upset. His ire doesn’t fall short, here. But what we do know for sure is, he’s walking away. Throughout the song, it sounds like a reserved Bizkit, almost like the breakdown from “Eat You Alive.”

09: Loser (04:54) – Sit down, kids. “Loser” is a love song. Fred is forty-one years old and displays his softer side, in fact, it’s his insecure side. That’s right, the graying Durst is insecure. This isn’t the crotch grabbing, jumping around Durst that we know and cringe from as he gazes at stripper cleavage. He’s “losing [himself] and [he] wants it back.” Poor poor Frederick.

10: Autotunage (05:01) – This is the longest song on the album, which is tough to say, as each track seems like an eternity. Clocking in at just over five minutes, “Autotunage” creeps in your ears with electronic scratches and rolling drums from John Otto. We know it’s still John Otto, because Fred still insists on dropping Otto’s name at the beginning of most songs. “It doesn’t matter what you need, because [they’re] gonna give it to ya…[they’re] gonna give it to you until the sun comes up.” Track 10 is a party track amongst a deluge of party tracks. If you’re waiting for the next Whitman, wait longer.

11: 90.2.10 (04:18) – The song opens with a guitar riff that rivals 80’s metal. Don’t sweat it, the song quickly deconstructs into another song of bravado. Naked ladies make out with each other, Corey D’s name is dropped for the millionth time, Corey Taylor is in here too. It’s a party when you’re rolling with Limp Bizkit in Beverly Hills, because where there’s late 90’s money to be spent, mindless women will follow. Oh, and if you were wondering, the lyrics are clever, because the ratio of hot women to men is 90:10. That’s a ratio. I know, right?

12: Why Try (02:52) – “Why Try” was leaked onto the internet months ago. Haven’t you heard it yet? That’s okay, you have if you listened to the radio years ago, or maybe even caught a TRL episode or two back when Carson Daily was a tool and didn’t have an underrated late night show. And yes, if you catch this song, listen closely, you’ll be able to hear Fred croon about another “sucka MC.”

13: Killer In You (03:47) – Drum track covered by Wes Borland tearing shit up on the six-string, that’s how it starts. And then Fred Durst ruins it with words and echo-y verbal diarrhea. The song is chock-full of violent imagery with gasoline, bombs, and Leatherface being described as a “pussy.” Honestly, after thirteen songs like this, you’d assume that Fred either is in therapy for anger management issues, or he just “writes” his lyrics from a bank of words, filter in a few names of his friends, sprinkle in words like “ch’yea!” and profanity and you’ve got a Limp Bizkit golden track.

14: Back Porch (03:22) – Almost thirty seconds of music without Fred, and then at the twenty-nine second mark, boom! “It’s a party on the back porch!” Bob your head, sip your Natural Ice, and put your arm around some tank topped-girl with cheap tattoos and groove along to the beat. And then kill yourself. No wait, pay me first, someone owes me money for this.

15: My Own Cobain (03:43) – This song I was looking forward to, because of the title alone. I couldn’t wait until I could find out what was Fred’s own “Cobain.” It starts with an out-of-tune piano loop and John Otto taking it easy on the high hat. And then Fred comes in, describing the fall of Limp Bizkit in the rain. You can almost feel the raindrops falling on his face as he stands on the corner in the dark, having his own Cusack. If there’s any reason to boycott this album, here it is. The insane train of thought that describing the demise of Limp Bizkit as a “Cobain” is appalling. And then two minutes and fifty-five seconds in “CH-YEA!” its a party again. Get to the moshpit and tear shit up, Limp Bizkit’s back in business, tearing asses up with chainsaws.

16: Angels (03:22) – Sam Rivers starts the song off plucking away at his bass. “Angels” is a softer ballad from the group. It isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever heard, and may actually be the only saving grace to this album. Unfortunately, unless you shell out the extra money for the deluxe edition, you’re not going to hear it. But don’t get carried away, it is a ballad from Limp Bizkit. So it still is less than good. And be sure that at some point Wes Borland will start spinning around, crunching away at his guitar, and Fred Durst screams, looping the same chorus over a good half-dozen times.

In Closing: Oh God, I’m removing this nightmare from my laptop as soon as I’m done this paragraph. What I don’t understand is why the band allows Fred Durst to be the frontman. No, scratch that. I’ve seen the band live, and admittedly I actually had fun during their set (Don’t lynch me, they were on the bill for Summer Sanitarium the year I went.) and so I sort of understand why they keep him around. The band themselves make really catchy music that you can’t help but bounce and bob your head at. Crucify me if you’d like, but I’m not completely wrong there. But the whole rap-rock thing is so incredibly over, and his lyrics are only getting worse with every passing album, if you can imagine. But this album is going to sell and there’s not a whole lot we can do about it. Just use this review as your warning. I didn’t pay for this album. I’m not getting paid for the review, although, I feel that I should at this point. Don’t do this to yourself. I’m at least in therapy. Thirteen songs with three “bonus” songs make up the deluxe edition. Cut the last three songs off and you have the regular album. Maybe our military can use this in their torturing techniques and give Britney Spears a break.

Release Date: June 28, 2011
Order: HERE
Official Website: HERE

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